he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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