I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
