You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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