Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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