Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
