I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
