I looked at my own cervix.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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