the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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