Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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(301): View more from Maryland

in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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(231): View more from Michigan

P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard

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(212): View more from New York

Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.

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(913): View more from Kansas

As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator

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