the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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