If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
