I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
