my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
