I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
