he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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