I think my vagina is haunted
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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