When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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