just survived the first fart of the relationship.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
