She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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