considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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