I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
