Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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