Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
