GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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