Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
