Kiss
Puke
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
