i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
