Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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