You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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