I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
