so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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