the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
