you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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