I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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