1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
