Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
