Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
