Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
