I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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