I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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