I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
