After last night, I could never be a politician.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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