I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
