I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
