so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
