Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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