Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
