If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
