Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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