Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
