and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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