shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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