YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
