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• (650): View more from California

  Is it normal to miss your booty call?

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Texas should really raise its teaching standards.

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• (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out

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• (863): View more from Florida

  our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane

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• (707): View more from California

  I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  Thanks, mom, will do

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• (801): View more from Utah

  And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid

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